Love FrogKisser

Real Dates. Real People. Real Love.

Your Heartbreak...

I am grateful for my heartbreaks (you can be too)

By Jess Tomlinson, Radiant Love and Healing Heartbreak Coach

Gratitude.

It’s not a word that usually comes to mind when we are recently heartbroken.

It took me a really, really long time to be able to say: “I’m so grateful for my heartbreaks.” In fact, what came out of my mouth used to be something like: “F this. Men are jerks. I’m never loving again. Heart. CLOSED.”

But today, I can say with all honesty that I’m SO grateful for ALL of my heartbreaks. 

For the personal-development junkie who moved to a different state, then broke up with me while flinging curse words at me over the phone. Thank you for opening my eyes to spirituality and leading me to my soul community in Las Vegas.

For the doctor who didn’t show up for Christmas, leaving me embarrassed and ashamed, and spiraling into depression. Thank you for coming into my life before I discovered I needed surgery to remove my extra rib. I don’t know how I would have navigated the medical system without you. And thank you for helping me realize that a “nice” life sitting around watching Duke basketball is not the life for me.

For the erotic fiction writer, who met someone at my event and didn’t tell me until 6 months later. Thank you for bringing me to my power, introducing me to meditation, being my partner in business and adventure and risk. And for the long endless conversations that were so meaningful.

For the engineer, who broke up with me a week after I quit my corporate job. Thank you for showing me what it’s like for someone to be 100% in for me, and 100% out. I felt so adored and loved by you. I now know what this feels like.

It can be hard to get to this place of gratefulness. So if you’re not there, I understand. However, here’s what’s really important:

Acknowledge why your heartbreak hurts…but also focus on the gifts. Both are important.

This is what will get you through and allow your heart to remain open to a deeper, more meaningful love without closing off and getting stuck in the pain.

Here’s a great question to ask yourself to begin the path towards gratitude for your previous relationships, heartbreaks and exes:

Why did this happen for me?

(instead of TO me, which is usually our default)

Now it’s your turn…

I’d love to hear your answer to this question in the comments below! 
What is 1 reason why your heartbreak happened FOR you?

Here’s to gratitude for our heartbreaks. And thankfulness for our strong hearts that keep on beating and loving…more deeply each day.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you in the U.S. I love you and I’m so grateful you are part of this community of women dedicated to healing their hearts!

Now, Surrender!

Surrender. 

By Chelli Pumphrey, a featured Love FrogKisser Coach

During the winter months, it is a time when our bodies and our spirits retreat and slow down. In a sense, we hibernate. Hibernation means your body may not have the energy to fight.

If you’re feeling down about being single, this can be a time to lean into the feeling of loneliness, instead of resisting. Find ways to nourish yourself. Let the holidays be a time of regeneration, healing, and quiet. Remember that just as the seasons change, so do our relationships, our emotions, and our situations. Nothing remains the same forever. Lean in to your feelings and trust that they will pass.

You can always choose a different story about your situation, and create the holidays that you want. If your story is one of lack, loneliness, or heartbreak, chances are, it will be a holiday season that reflects those feelings for you. You could focus instead on freedom, self-love, and acceptance of this temporary season of your life. This shift can be a powerful tonic to boost your mood, and keep your mindset positive during the holidays. 

The best part about surrendering?  Sometimes when we relax and release the pressure to find love, love finds us.

"Top 3 Tips to Avoid Getting Cheated On"

By Teri Lynn Wilkins, Love FrogKisser Coach and Specialist in infidelity, cheating and betrayal. 

"Top 3 Tips to Avoid Being Cheated On

1.        Know your own personal definition of cheating. Opinions on what constitutes cheating may vary.  Does emotional intimacy count as cheating?  Does it only count if it’s physical?  How about sexting?  Porn?  Workplace “friendships?”  Although different definitions can exist, they must not exist between you and someone you are committed to.  Therefore, the question “what do you define as cheating?” is something every couple should have at the very beginning of the relationship.  If you can’t agree, that’s something you definitely need to know!  That’s a ‘deal breaker’ and it’s vital to have the discussion before you commit, not after.

2.       It’s important to recognize the difference between someone genuinely liking you and desiring a committed relationship with you versus someone simply talking to you and spending time with you because they are bored or don’t want to be alone.  The former is a potential mate.  The latter is someone using you to fill time until someone ‘better’ comes along.  Don’t mistake ‘time spent’ with emotional commitment.  Too many of us assume that just because someone is going out with us occasionally or talking to us (even a lot) that this automatically means they are into us.  That’s not necessarily the case.  Know the difference between genuine interest and simply boredom.  Someone who is genuinely interested in you will make this obvious.  Also, if you are the one avoiding being alone……well, we attract who we are in our partners so that is definitely something to look at!         

3.       If you have been betrayed in the past, ensure that you are fully and completely healed.  Carrying around hurt, pain and distrust from a past relationship almost always guarantees the failure of future relationships.  Or worse, more cheating.  Without the ability to fully love, trust and be completely vulnerable with our new partner, we do not have the ability to create the deep levels of intimacy we yearn for.  Heal those buried wounds and you almost certainly ensure that new love can flourish in your life!   

Q/A with Jess Tomlinson, Radiant Love Coach

Q: Should I be happy by myself before I seek out a relationship?

A: Many people come to me for support in attracting the love they deserve, and at first they are super gung-ho: "YES! I want a relationship!" But somewhere in between that passionate longing for love, they take two steps back and say..."But, I think I should really just focus on myself right now." 

While I whole-heartedly agree that "Me Time" and self care is SUPER important, we can also use them as excuses to avoid simply wanting what we want: Big Meaningful Love. 

Now, let me first confess that I used to believe that in order to love someone, you had to fully love yourself. But this simply isn't true. Afterall, are we ever done growing and evolving? From my own experience, I've continued to work on myself for years - diving into personal development, spiritual retreats and investing in multiple mentors and coaches. I won't stop doing this. And yet, along this path of self love, I've never lost that deep yearning for a soul partner. Self love and romantic love with an amazing partner are NOT the same thing. 

What I wish for you is to give yourself permission to feel this longing, to accept that it's okay to want a relationship, and no, you don't have to be 100% happy with yourself before you enter into a relationship. It's actually beautiful to admit you desire love. And I'm here cheering you on telling you that you can blaze the self love and romantic love paths at the same time!

Your "Dream List" Needs to Be Shredded

By Jess Tomlinson

Rip up the Dream Man/Woman List

Admit it. You've scribbled down all of their qualities, right? Tall. Dark hair. Blue eyes. Smart. Funny. Nice teeth. I've had many "Dream Man" lists in my day...they have evolved over time (usually just getting longer!) I used to think this was a great way to "manifest" the Big Meaningful Love I deserved. Law of attraction, right? Speak what you want, and it will come to you. 

But here's why your Dream Man/Woman List is actually a horrible idea: 
It completely bypasses the important qualities you want in a partner.

What are the important qualities? It's actually not what they look like, or even who they are...it's how they make you FEEL.

Because here's the thing...you aren't going to go to your friends and say: "I met the person of my dreams! They are soooooo tall/smart/funny/have great teeth."

You are going to go to your friends and say: "I met the person of my dreams! They looked at me the other day, and all I felt was pureadoration and acceptance of who I truly am."

So, rip up that List, toss it in the trash, and create a new list: "How I Want to Feel in Love & Relationship." (Bonus tip: Get real..."happy" is a nice feeling, but it isn't specific...how do you really want to feel?)

Best. Date. Ever.

By Coti Howell

We asked and you answered! Many of you have been on amazing dates, but one took the cake! It involves a surprise picnic and a beautiful sunset.

E.V. wrote to tell us about a relatively new relationship she was forming and how the man surprised her with what she calls the "Best Date I've Ever Had..."

"I was seeing a man for only a couple of weeks ... One day he called and asked if I would like to have dinner with him. I said 'Yes' so he asked me to meet him at his house and he said he would drive. I was expecting to go to a restaurant but we ended up at a park near his house. He told me he wanted to walk around the lake for a few minutes and enjoy the sunset. The walk was nice and he held my hand but I was hungry and didn't understand why we stopped at the park. Until we walked up on a picnic area set with candles, a basket and flowers. He ordered my favorite food and had a nice bottle of wine. He told me that he wanted to watch the sunset while we ate and get to know me better. After dinner he took me to a frozen yogurt shop near the park which I loved! It was the sweetest date I had ever been on.  Who knew this tough guy really could be romantic? He listened to me when I told him that dates with me didn't need to be extravagant but thoughtful."

This guy sounds like a keeper! Remember, guys and gals, you don't have to break the bank to enjoy a date night. Get creative and take your date for a picnic, to watch the sunset or just for a bottle of wine in a scenic area. 

Have you been on a sweet date? Give us details in the comments below!

6 Inexpensive Date Ideas

By Coti Howell

Let’s face it, dating can be expensive. Fancy dinners at that foreign restaurant, Italian wine at a local bar, tickets to see popular bands — it all adds up. We’re here to help you make your next date night special without breaking the bank. 

In the words of Jennifer Lopez, “love don’t cost a thing.” So pick up your date this weekend and try out one of these six budget-friendly date ideas.

1. Volunteer

Show your sweetie that you have a heart of gold and get to know them a little better by volunteering together. Call your local food bank, soup kitchen or other charity and get to work. Make the day extra adorable by volunteering to walk pups at your closest animal shelter.

2. Karaoke Night

What’s more fun than grabbing a drink and singing your heart out? Even if you don’t have the best pipes, you can have fun while singing a silly duet with your sweetie. Try "You're the One That I Want" from Grease.

3. Go Bowling

Spend your next date night with a little friendly competition at your local lanes. Check their schedule to find discounted nights or bar specials. Place a little friendly wager to make things extra interesting (loser cooks next). Just don’t forget your socks! 

4. Catch a Sunset

Is there anything more romantic than watching the sun go down? Grab your date and head to a high, desolated point in the city to watch the sun set over the horizon. Bring a picnic or a bottle of wine and stay a while. 

5. Take a Hike

...literally. Break a sweat, enjoy nature and your date as you walk through some local trails. Bring a bottle of water for both you and your beau and you’re sure to get on their good side! 

6. Be a Tourist

Your city may also be your hometown, but take time to explore it with your date. Hit venues reserved for only “tourists” and pretend you’re from out of town. You may get to know a new part of your town!

What's your favorite way to wow a date when you’re on a budget? Try out one of our ideas or use one of your own, but be sure to let us know how things go! Happy dating!